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Tales from the Winner's Table - Ramblings of your Champion

Posted February 06, 2017 at 10:48 PM by aboth

Well, well, well...

I think we all know that I'm an asshole when it comes to movies. I like movies, really, that's not a lie. I even like bad movies. I like poorly written crap like Roadhouse and I like high octane action, like Roadhouse. What I really liked though is picking apart a movie I don't enjoy so that when the movie gets brought up I can actually defend my points against the movie. People hate this, especially David. However, sometimes it comes in handy.

I didn't like Jurassic World, I just thought it was shit. Nothing personal against the studio for trying or against the film makers, or the actors for that matter. Except one. The female lead in Jurassic World (Bryce Dallas Howard)was bad, and annoying, and just didn't work for me and YES I know it is Ron Howard's daughter but I don't give a shit.

I was browsing Reddit one day and I saw an AMA request for Bryce Dallas Howard. In case you are computer retarded an AMA stands for "Ask me anything" where a person of interest will answer fielded questions from the general public about their new movie or their dick size. A lot of people seemed excited for her to come and answer questions relating to Jurassic World so I thought of a couple questions and decided to join in the fun. So here are my twenty questions for "actress" Bryce Dallas Howard. I may or may not have been having a bad day. Who knows!?

Hi Bryce! I wish we were meeting under better circumstances but given what I just saw a few days ago I can't help but ask a couple questions.

  1. Why did I dislike your character so much in Jurassic World?
  2. Why did they write your character so poorly.
  3. why did they give you heels to run through the jungle?
  4. Why did I dislike your character so much in Jurassic World?
  5. When you agreed to Jurassic World did you think they would write your character better?
  6. How do you feel about being in a Jurassic film that ranks slightly higher/lower than The Lost World?
  7. In the future do you think there will be better written female roles in Jurassic Park movies?
  8. Why would Chris Pratt's character take an interest in a character like yours who was a whiny pain in the ass?
  9. Did you ask any questions or have any creative input for your character?
  10. Why did you agree to play a useless annoying "girl character" who's only real job is to be "the driver? It seems a little hollow."
  11. Did you enjoy the movie when you saw it?
  12. How did you allow them to make you have that haircut for the movie, you looked like a low rent Mia Wallace
  13. Do you feel your character should have died instead of the billionaire like the rest of the audience and if so why?
  14. why would Chris Pratt be into your awful character with her awful haircut and bitchy demeanor?
  15. Will you be in the unwanted, unneeded, terrible sequel to Jurassic Flop? (Spoiler! Yes!)
  16. Were those REAL raptors? If so, what do they eat on set?
  17. When the dumb sea world fish dino eats your innocent assistant for no reason did you let out a laugh like everyone else did in the theater?
  18. Do you regret your role in this "big pile of shit"?
  19. Should I trust the zoo or sea world? In your opinion are they safe enough?
  20. Seriously, who told you that haircut was a good idea?

You will all be happy to know I was downvoted to oblivion for that post and that she never actually did do an AMA so this was most likely never seen by her and it remains just a spite filled anonymous idiot on the internet writing about dinosaur movies.

On to something else. I found this (Irish?) guy on Youtube who makes swords. Like video game swords ala the Master Sword tm and the Buster Sword from FFVII. In fuckingfact I am linking the video so you can watch a dude blacksmith a fucking huge sword and then swing it into a stump.

You guys all played Warcraft on your 486's right? You then bought or was gifted at Christmas more RAM for Warcraft 2. Don't forget to have you sound card working perfectly. On to Warcraft 3 and newer things in 3D! Holy shit! An actually talking Warcraft game past cut scenes!? Then...came the holy grail of warcraft. I know you geeks that make fun of WoW are just as guilty of liking something equally as "lame" but let me tell you this. Warcraft has a pretty decent story and a pretty good universe behind it. I hear you saying "But Jesse! I don't have time to play WoW, nor do I want to." I get you, really I do. But guess what!? I have found the way around all of that. THESE NEAT WARCRAFT LORE VIDEOS!!! This nerd explains everything you could want to know about Warcraft and then some. I'm going to link a tease. It. Could. Change. Your. Life. But. It. Probably. Won't.

If you like science experiments and people getting shocked by electricity then this guy is for you. An electrical engineer that does all sorts of stuff I would never attempt. His channel is pretty great.

Geez what else? I guess that's all for now.